You Have No Idea

A simple question I had on a local FB Mama page made me feel all the feels today.

“Wondering if any local mamas have kids with gender dysphoria.”

Seems to me that if you were a local mama that had a child with gender dysphoria you’d be thrilled to find another: Yes! Me! I will message you!  {Or so I thought I would find…. turns out I was wrong.}

Seems to me if you were a local mama and you were not parenting a child with gender dysphoria you’d scroll on by- maybe send a cheesy heart emoji or write “praying for you,” Even though I’m confident your prayers are, ‘Thank God that’s not me’).

Seems to me like a local Mama page would be filled with all kinds of mamas who are hoping to reassure others and strengthen our sisterhood with positive notes and love.

It would have been easy to simply scroll on by, like the other 99% of facebook feed you pass daily.  But instead you decided to be “encouraging,” by being ignorant, uneducated, and oblivious.

“I know this will not be very PC to say, but I would caution against labeling this.  I was a tomboy for my whole life- literally until I graduated from high school.  If I had been labeled gender dysphoric, that could have been very confusing for me.  I would recommend that you trust the process (and the Creator) and encourage your child that likes/preferences don’t change your biology….”

Hey there, lady!  Thank you for your extremely unwelcome and distasteful advice.

Do I think her words came out of hate? No. But I also think she has ZERO idea of what she’s talking about.  I think she has assumptions of what gender dysphoria is (or isn’t), and questions its validity.

Thanks to my sister and the exchange of some profanity, I was able to find some words after she reminded me to keep breathing.

“A tomboy is not someone with gender dysphoria. It’s comparing apples to corn dogs. It is not a social preference in a neurotypical brain. She has an actual cognitive and neural difference in her atypical brain. I appreciate your very specific experience, but this is not our circumstance.
Finding a community of like parents is important with children having any diagnosis, which is what my post was intended for.”

She went on to apologize, saying she didn’t mean to be offensive, but rather encouraging.  Though it’s still SUPER UNCLEAR TO ME  how your totally unrelated circumstance could be encouraging…

So I had all the feels.  Maybe a morsel of rage.  Some sadness and annoyance.  But more than anything I feel really frustrated.

I get it- I really do.  It’s a confusing and complicated topic.  But have you ever realized that maybe it’s confusing and complicated because you’ve never experienced this before?  Maybe it’s confusing and complicated because you have inaccurate assumptions.

I get that it can be political, that it can be a topic of religious beliefs.  I get that it can make you feel uncomfortable because you’re unsure which pronouns to use or you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.

This is our life.  We live this every single day and, I’ll be honest, 90% of the time this is completely a non-issue.  Because Lucy is our child, because we love her with every fiber of our being, because we have no interest in changing who she is and who she will become.  I feel so blessed to live in a world where she’s allowed to be who she is, even though our road will be tough.

I didn’t choose this for my child.  I never hoped this is something we’d experience as parents.  But she’s certainly not ‘just a tomboy.’

We are surrounded by loving and accepting family and friends who love Lucy for who she is, even when it’s complicated.  We are beyond grateful for the love they give her- and us- by going with the flow.  Because, honestly, I don’t know WHAT THE HELL I am doing.  We are taking this day by day, never being sure of anything but our B-O-U-N-D-L-E-S-S LOVE for her.

So thanks, but no thanks, lady.  I’m just gonna keep lovin’ my kid and mom on.