The sun poured onto my face and I awoke with a refreshing start to the morning. I thanked God for the gift of another day- another day to laugh and play and eat and enjoy my family and friends.
I kissed my babies and greeted them with a sunshiny smile as we opened the windows while we let the summery air in. Maybe I even sang a song, danced in the kitchen, laughed with my girls- whatever I did on that particular beautiful morning, I had no idea how the day would end.
My giddy girls quickly turn into fire-breathing monsters that hit and kick and laugh when I place them in a time out. I can’t get the dog to stop barking. My computer won’t turn on. I can’t find my phone. Now Lucy opens the gate in the backyard, so I’ll be chasing the dog around the neighborhood. Nora doesn’t listen. My husband didn’t remember to take the garbage out. I still can’t find my phone. There’s not even enough room in the sink to wash my hands after the explosion that Nora had. Lucy pushes Nora. Nora hits Lucy. I forget to take the hamburger out for supper. No one will nap. Well, except me. I could nap, but I’m the only one in this house without the luxury of napping. I call and call and call and can’t get through to talk to customer service. I wrote the wrong date on the postcard I just mailed to all students in 7th grade. Devin calls me to tell me that the car needs a repair. Still no one is napping. I find my phone, which I believe to be covered in chunks of dum-dum suckers. I get extremely frustrated with the girls and my patience is wearing thin. I’m convinced my husband is incapable of doing anything right.
I didn’t even want to wear them today, but somehow I pulled up my crabby pants and let life get in my way. I spend the evening grumpy and angry and uncaring. As I crawl into bed, I turn into a pool of guilt. I could have done better today. Now I can’t fall asleep. As if I wanted this day to last any longer. I get angry with myself- and God. “I was too tired to live the day for you, Lord. You saw me try, right? I was doing a good job until everyone else got in my way. How can you love me with these crabby pants on?”
Then I am overcome with emotion as I remember scripture. These words that spill on these thin pages were meant for this particular moment. These gentle words flow through me like a gentle whisper. “He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with his love.” I don’t deserve it- especially today. I am physically and emotionally drained from life and these whispering words renew my spirt. I pray that God gives me another day tomorrow, a day where I will do better.
I feel my heart beating as I remember what a gift I’ve been given. God doesn’t turn away from us- even in our worst moments- our selfish moments, our ungrateful, our overwhelming moments. We need God’s grace on the good and bad days and we often forget we can still seek out his grace even when we are not feeling worthy. Zephaniah says, “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Instead of facing the battle any longer, I was able to open with all honesty and allow God’s peace to soften my heart. As I drift asleep, I hear God singing a majestic lullaby over me. A new day will come.