I’m really proud that you went to work out this morning at 5am. No, really, I am. But I’m actually more happy that I got to sleep in until 8.
So what time do you go to bed at night? Have I mentioned that I need at least 9 hours of sleep in order to be a fully functional human being in the morning? And let’s face it, when I have my period, I wake up after 9 hours still feeling like a bear. Have you ever fallen asleep while running on the treadmill? Can’t you just imagine me tripping face-forward, shattering teeth and breaking skull bones while being thrown off the ‘mill?
You said it wasn’t about being skinny, all about being healthy, right? I guess I can understand that. But secretly you dream about cheesecake and mozzarella sticks. I just know it. I read in an article once that stated eating too many vegetables may make your skin turn green. Which must be true because it was on the internet and honestly, I just can’t take that chance, I’m sorry. “It’s a good way to clear my head,” you said. What is your head so filled with? Because I’m positive no matter how much I ran, I would not be able to clear my mind of a)running and b) being awake at 5am. What do you think about for 90 minutes? Collapsing on the ground? Is it okay to think about drop kicking the girl next to you who is running double the speed you are? Oh, she also is not sweating and is talking with the guy next to her NOT sounding like she is dying. She laughs and says, “Oh, I looove pasta, but I prefer a big ol’ salad.” Cute. Real cute. You’re lying, but cute. (That has actually happened to me by the way).
Do they have a limit of how many bras you can wear at the gym? Just wondering. If two or three aren’t doing its job, do you use tape? Oh, you don’t have that problem? Well, what do you do when you start to do your jumping jacks and you pee your pants? You know… because you can’t hold it in anymore after childbirth? Do you bring an extra pair of clothes? Or just let it go and hope that people pass it off as an impressive, sweaty workout?
Well… I just don’t think it’s going to work for me tomorrow. But way to go, my friend, way to go.
I’ll just go, you know… on the elliptical for 20 minutes and watch Cops. Maaaaaybe 15 since I had to run around town chasing my get-away dog.
So.. Maybe next week?